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5 healthy ways to deal with painful emotions

Audra McDonie / Health & Wellness / Leave a Comment

“Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don’t lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.”
-Sabaa Tahir, A Torch Against the Night

Humans are emotional beings. We are taught from a young age how to take care of ourselves physically, but mental and emotional health is not something that most parents are versed in enough to teach their children.

I know that I am lacking when it comes to dealing with emotions, especially negative ones. Feeling emotional pain is hard and it hurts… a lot. Nobody wants to hurt or feel pain, so we ignore or dismiss our emotions, or we try to numb them with a myriad of different things. Alcohol, drugs, self harm, over-eating, not eating enough, to name a few of the unhealthy things human beings do, to not feel our feelings.

By engaging in these negative behaviors, we think that we’re making the pain less, but we are actually making it worse. We need to find healthy ways in which to deal with difficult and painful emotions.

6 healthy ways to deal with painful emotions

1. sit with your emotions

It’s okay to just sit with how you’re feeling and not try to get rid of the pain. It’s also helpful to tell yourself that it’s okay to feel how you’re feeling. You have a right to feel how ever you do. Validate your emotions, instead of talking yourself out of them. Accept and don’t fight what is going on inside of you.

2. belly breathing

Put your hand on your stomach and inhale slowly.
Imagine a balloon in your belly filling up and inhale until it’s very full.
Put your hand on your heart and feel it for 5 seconds.
Let your breath out slowly for 10 seconds, until your stomach feels flat.
Repeat this 4 or 5 times.

3. Try the 90 Second Resilience Exercise

According to Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, Harvard brain scientist, “90 seconds is all it takes to identify an emotion and allow it to dissipate while simply noticing it. When you’re stressed, pausing 90 seconds and labeling what you are feeling tamps down activity in the amygdala, calms the brain and helps you regain control.”

According to her studies, when a person reacts to something in their environment there’s a 90 second chemical process that happens in the body, after that, any emotion that is left is just the person choosing to stay in the emotional loop.

Her ninety second resilience exercise consists of practicing mindfulness. Bring your attention to the present moment and feel the emotion. Don’t judge it and accept what you’re feeling. This helps the emotions move through us quickly.

Our emotions are like ocean waves. They rise, crest and recede all day long. The whole process for each wave takes about 90 seconds. Observe each one and then ride it out without trying to change it.

The most important thing is to observe and accept your emotions. You get an emotional workout when you do this over and over. If you continue to do it, over time, you will build emotional resilience.

4. process your feelings

Let yourself cry – There is nothing wrong with crying, it’s actually good for you!
Punch a pillow
Rip a piece of paper into small pieces
Write a letter to the person who upset you, then rip it up and throw it away.

5. Do something to boost your mood

Play or snuggle with a pet
Watch a funny YouTube video or Tik Tok.
Read the story of someone that you admire for inspiration.
Organize something
Exercise
Write a list of places that you would like to travel.

I hate to break it to you, but you are always going to have challenges and problems in your life that will cause you to feel painful emotion. This is part of our human experience. The trick is not to run away from these feelings, but to deal with each one in a healthy way. I hope that this blog has given you some helpful ways in which to do that. Take care and remember that you are amazing!

It’s time for a technology detox!

Audra McDonie / Health & Wellness / Leave a Comment

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit it, I spend too much time on technology. I use my computer for work daily, and I spend way too much time on my phone; sending texts, posting social media posts or just scrolling. I also love watching television and movies. I am the queen of binge watching shows!

I have been contemplating a technology detox for awhile, but addiction is a sneaky thing. It will talk you out of making a change every time. Apparently, I am not the only one who loves technology. Recent estimates show that the average American spends more than 5 hours per day on digital devices and watches approximately 4.5 hours of television.

A technology detox is a set period of time in which you stop using technological devices. Smartphones, television, Computers, tablets etc… You can choose to give them all up for a set number of days, you can limit your time on them daily, or you can do a little of both.

why should you do a detox?

To Improve Your Mental and physical Health

Too much time on technology is bad for your health. It can affect your sleep, as well as cause anxiety and depression. It can also affect our work like balance. It’s difficult to separate home and work life when you are constantly connected to work through technology. In addition, social media makes it hard not to compare ourselves to others. We compare our lives to family, friends, total strangers and celebrities. Comparison is the thief of joy.

So you can have better relationships and communication Skills

Because of technology, people of all ages are losing these basic social skills:

Eye Contact – It is hard to look at other people when you are looking down at your phone. Eye contact is the strongest form of non-verbal communication. 43% of the attention we focus on someone is concentrated on their eyes. It is one of the most important components in forming emotional connections. Eye contact is used to convey many emotions : respect, confidence, standing your ground, kindness, love etc…
Phone Skills– Are becoming a thing of the past. The tendency to text rather than call people has left the younger generation inept and nervous while having a conversation via the telephone.
Conversation– Technology is also taking it’s toll on the art of conversation. Many people don’t know how to ask questions about others. They also don’t know how to listen and they are unable to read other people’s social cues.
Attention Span – Technology has made it hard to concentrate on one thing for any length of time. Social Media platforms and apps are made to hold our attention for a fraction of a second before swiping to something new.
Face to Face Confrontation – Texting is a disinhibited form of communication. Many people, especially children and teens today are using texting or social media as a way of communication to avoid challenging conversations. The reason given most often for this : “I don’t have to do look at the other person’s face.” This type of communication is causing us to miss out on critical social and problem solving abilities. In addition it is making people less empathetic.

So you can be more creative

People’s cognitive abilities are being challenged because of technology overload. The capacity for analytical thinking is declining. Studies also show a decline in memory, focus, creativity, reflection and mental resilience.

“The more the culture equates knowledge with data and social life with social media, the less time is spent on the path of wisdom, a path that always requires a good quotient of self-awareness. Devices make it easy to find answers elsewhere so people forget to ask deep questions of themselves. This lack of uninterrupted introspection creates a very human problem: the anxiety of not knowing oneself.”
Meg Mott, Professor of politics at Marlboro College

How to do a detox

The parameters of a technology detox are really up to you. I have decided that I am going to start by not using any technology for one day a week: no phone, television or computer. I will check my phone a few times a day for calls and texts in case of emergency. Other than that I will not engage with any electronics at all. I will do this for two months and then I will increase it to two days a week.

There are so many things I want to do, but don’t do, because I get sucked into using or watching mind numbing electronic devices. I want to start painting (I have actually had all the supplies for over a year). I also want to start riding my bike and reading more books. I think if scrolling on my phone and Netflix are not an option that I will be more inclined to do these things.

I am also going to put time constraints on my technology use daily. I’m only going to go on my phone for a half hour in the morning, and a half hour in the afternoon. I am going to try it for awhile and see how it goes.

It is completely up to you how you want to plan your technology detox. I think any amount of time that you spend away from it to do other things is going to be beneficial to you. I hope that this blog gave you some useful information and I wish you luck with your own technology detox!

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Micro-Meditations A perfect way to meditate throughout the day

Audra McDonie / Health & Wellness / 2 Comments

If you watch or read anything related to physical and mental health, you know that meditation is very good for you. It lowers blood pressure, clears your mind, relieves stress, and helps with depression and anxiety – just to name a few of its benefits. So why don’t we do it on a consistent basis? Well, if you’re anything like me, your days are already pretty full. Having to add another thing to our daily to-do list, is difficult.

That is why micro-meditations are perfect. They can be done throughout your day while you’re doing other things. These mini moments of deliberate pauses are just as beneficial to you as doing a full blown meditation!

while you snooze your alarm clock

Before you pull yourself out of bed, take a minute or two – to be in the moment. Tune in to the bird singing outside your window. Smell the clean sheets under your nose and feel the soft pillow under your head.

During Your Workout

Notice what you see, hear, feel and smell. Doing a micro-meditation while working out is easy because when you’re working hard and out of breath, it is hard to think about anything else. The most important thing is to be in the moment and not in your head.

while brushing your teeth

To keep your teeth and mouth healthy, you should brush your teeth for two minutes. The perfect amount of time for a micro-meditation! Feel the bristles move across your teeth and gums, taste the minty taste of the toothpaste and breathe and be in those two minutes.

during your cup of coffee

I don’t know about you, but coffee is my main motivator for getting out of the bed in the morning. So making this lovely morning ritual even more amazing by adding a micro-meditations is a win for me. Feel the warm cup in your hand, smell the lovely coffee aroma and really savor your cup of jo!

In the shower

A micro-shower meditation is very beneficial. Stand under the water in the shower and picture the water taking away all your stress, worries and any negativity that you’ve been carrying around. Then picture it all being washed down the drain!

Listen to a guided meditation

The App Insight Timer has “the largest free library of meditations on earth.” You can find many 1-2 minute guided micro-meditations that you can do any time! There are also longer meditations to choose from if you are so inclined.

The key to a happier life has a lot to do with slowing down and quieting our minds. Meditation is a proven way in which to achieve this. You can receive all the benefits of a longer meditation by doing micro-meditations throughout your day. I hope this blog gives you another tool in your self discovery tool box!

expressive writing is a powerful tool for inner peace

Audra McDonie / Health & Wellness / Leave a Comment

“There is something so powerful about getting your
thoughts
down on paper.
Write it all down and
watch the stress fade away.”

-Ashley Rachel

I have tried many times throughout my life, but I have never been able to keep a journal. I came across a technique called expressive writing, while doing research for a new blog. Expressive writing is a form of therapeutic journaling. You write about topics that are emotionally important to you, and it is a powerful tool for self-help.

James Pennebaker, a psychology professor at the University of Texas at Austin is the creator of expressive writing. He did hundreds of studies over several decades about it. As a psychologist, he knew that ignoring unpleasant emotions causes stress, affects our mood negatively and distorts our thinking. Expressive writing allows us to get in touch with what is bothering us, while also giving us a way to express and process the emotions concerning it.

Benefits of Expressive Writing

Lowers symptoms of depression and PTSD.
Gives mental clarity.
Improves sleep.
Lowers number of stress related illnesses.
Improves lung and liver function.
Reduces blood pressure.
Boosts immune system.
Improves sports performance.

Unfortunately, the more we avoid problems, the more trouble they cause us. When we don’t deal with our negative feelings, we create a loop of unresolved apprehension about the emotions involved. Expressive writing helps us to figure out what is bothering us. While also allowing us to organize our thoughts into language, which creates a narrative that gives us more control over our mental and emotional states. It is a powerful coping tool for many people.

Why do we have to write? Why can’t we just talk about your feelings with someone else? Thinking or talking can lead to ruminating, where we can become lost in our emotions. Writing forces us to slow down, and labeling a feeling or putting words to an emotion calms down the neural activity in the threat area of the brain.

expressive writing exercise

For the next four days for 15-20 minutes each day, write your very deepest thoughts and feelings concerning something traumatic that happened to you, or an important emotional issue that has or is affecting you and your life. You can also write about relationships with others, including parents, lovers, friends or relatives in your past and present. You can write about who you have been, who you would like to be and who you are now. Write about the same issues and experiences on all days of writing, or you can write on different topics each day.

A FEW RULES: Once you start you can’t stop. If you don’t know what to write, repeat what you just wrote, or draw a line. Don’t censure yourself, this writing is confidential, nobody else will be reading it. Also, don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, grammar or sentence structure. Let your thoughts come out just the way they are without filtering them. You may notice after a writing session that you feel sad or heavy, this is okay, it won’t last and then you’ll feel better.

I haven’t done my writing exercise yet, but I am going to start it tomorrow. Writing in this way makes a lot of sense to me. It’s great to talk to someone about what is bothering us, but there are times when talking only makes me feel more confused. I can see how writing down how I feel in black and white would help me sort things out better. It is a slower process and it allows for more reflection. I hope that you give expressive writing a try too, and that it helps you to become a happier more content you!

Try affirmations for health, wealth and happiness

Audra McDonie / Health & Wellness / 2 Comments

“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.”
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

I have never used affirmations, but I have always been a proponent of positive thinking. One of my favorite books is The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. I believe that positivity can help us make drastic improvements in our lives. This change in perspective from negative to positive doesn’t cost a thing, only the time it takes to give it a sincere try. Affirmations are one of the tools that we can use to help us on our journey to a more positive outlook and a better life.

Unfortunately, people have a tendency to be more negative than positive. We all know that life can be difficult, and each of us has been treated poorly or been let down at times in our lives. These experiences from our past can fuel the negative self talk in our heads. In addition, human survival has been based on us being instinctively pessimistic to avoid danger. Because of this proclivity for negativity, it is necessary for us to find ways to counterbalance it, so we can live happy and healthy lives.

Did you know that our brains can’t differentiate between what is real and what is fantasy? When we are watching a dramatic movie and we tear up, it is because we empathize with the characters. Our brain doesn’t know that what we are watching is movie magic. We behave as if we were empathizing with someone in our real life. That’s why it’s important to be careful what you say about yourself and about the world in general. Your mind will believe it.

When we think negatively, it affects the way we feel, our self-esteem and the way we look at the world. Negative thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies. We can convince ourselves that we’re not worthy and that we don’t deserve good things. These thoughts can be very detrimental to our personal lives, our relationships and our careers. So, it is in our best interest to speak words that will help us to become the best version of ourselves.

So how do we get out of our negative rut? This blog will discuss ways in which affirmations can help, and how you can easily incorporate them into your daily life. I hope that you uncover something that helps you have a life filled with more joy.

how Do affirmations help us

Strengthen our minds and help us to believe in ourselves and our dreams.
Have the ability to rewire our brains so we can think more positively naturally.
Increase the feel good hormones in our brain.
Help us overcome negative self-sabotaging thoughts.
Studies have shown that they are very beneficial for people with low self esteem, depression and other mental health conditions.
Build a stronger sense of self worth.
Empower us.

How and when should i say my affirmations?

Saying affirmations three times a day seems to deliver the best results. Saying them in the morning (upon awakening), midday, and at night before bedtime. Also using them to combat negative thoughts that come into your head throughout the day is also helpful. Say each affirmation ten times out loud with conviction and feeling. The more emotion, the better. Many people like to look in the mirror when they say them. It is even more powerful when you tap the top of your hand each time you say an affirmation. We spent a lot of time training our brains to think about fears, anxieties and to think bad about ourselves, so it is completely possible to train our brains to think positively. According to Spirituallifemedia.com, “affirmations have the power to change your thinking, which changes you and your life.

“Change your thoughts and change your world.”
Norman Vincent Peale

what affirmations should i use?

Remember we’re trying to turn negatives into positives. If you struggle with negative self talk, write down the thoughts that are giving you trouble. Then write an affirmation that is the opposite of that thought. Affirmations are positive statements that are written in the present tense. They should be written as if they are already happening. Example: “I am a talented writer who helps people with her writing .” Another example: I am healthy in mind and body. At first it may feel like you are lying to yourself, but because of the way our brains work, it needs to hear the affirmation in the present tense. The information needs to be processed as fact, so that it will become reality. You can write affirmations of your own, find them on the internet, or you can take the affirmations you like from ones that I have listed below. It really doesn’t matter as long as they resonate with you, and will help you bring about the changes you want to see in yourself and your life.

aFFIRMATIONS:

(Many of these affirmations were written by Dr. Carmen Harra, world renowned intuitive psychologist) The others were found on Pinterest.

I am the builder of my own life and I choose its contents.
I have been given amazing talent, which I begin to use today.
I forgive those who have hurt me in my past and I peacefully detach from them.
My body is healthy, my mind is brilliant and my soul is tranquil.
Today, I am brimming with energy and overflowing with joy
I am guided in my every step by a spirit who leads me towards what I must know and do.
(If you’re married) My marriage is becoming stronger, deeper and more stable each day.
I possess the qualities to be extremely successful.
Creative energy surges through me and leads me to new and brilliant ideas.
My ability to conquer my challenges is limitless; my potential to succeed is infinite.
My thoughts are filled with positivity and my life is filled with success.
I acknowledge my own self worth, my confidence is soaring.
Everything that is happening now, is happening for my ultimate good.
I am a powerhouse, I am indestructible.
Though these times are difficult, they are only a short phase of my life.
(for those who are single) The perfect partner for me is coming into my life sooner than I expect.
My efforts are being supported by the universe, my dreams manifest into reality before my eyes.
I radiate beauty, charm and grace.
(if suffering from mental or physical illness) I am conquering my illness. I am defeating it steadily each day.
My obstacles are moving out of my way, my path is carved towards greatness.
I wake up today with strength in my heart and clarity in my mind.
I am at peace with all that has happened, is happening and will happen.
My nature is divine. I am a spiritual being.
My future is an ideal projection of what I envision now.
I create a safe and secure space for myself wherever I am.
I give myself permission to do what is right for me.
I allow myself to be who I am without judgement
I listen to my intuition and trust my inner guide
I add value to the world.
I deserve the best.
I am worthy of love.
I am powerful.
I am confident.
I am enough.
I am strong.
I am creating the life I want.
I love being me.
I get better every day.
I am unique.
I am intelligent.
I trust myself.
I am special.
I believe in myself.
I am thankful.
I am brave.

Affirmations are a very powerful tool for self help. I hope that this blog has helped you see how beneficial they can be to you, and that you will think about incorporating them into your daily routine. You are amazing and you deserve wonderful things!

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try grounding to realign your body’s electrical energy

Audra McDonie / Health & Wellness / 2 Comments

Electrical charges from the earth are beneficial to your body and mind. I try to spend time outside with my bare feet on the ground often. I knew that grounding (or earthing) was good for me, but I didn’t realize that it had so many amazing health benefits.

According to The National Library of Medicine National Institute of Health, “multidisciplinary research has revealed that electrically conductive contact of the human body with the surface of the earth produces intriguing effects on physiology and health.” Connecting the body to the earth enables free electrons from the earth’s surface to spread over and into the body causing antioxidant effects.

These free flowing electrons are always supplemented by the sun’s radiation and lightning. This is a natural healing energy that are our ancestors were connected to, but in our modern life we have gotten away from spending time outside barefoot. It has cut us off from the magical healing power of the earth!

benefits of grounding

helps inflammation
speeds up wound healing
improved immunity
improves sleep/relieves snoring
regulates hormones
improves mood – reduces stress, anxiety and irritability
anti-aging
improved cardiovascular health
improves chronic fatigue and chronic pain
shifts the autonomic nervous system from sympathetic toward parasympathetic activation.

The sympathetic nervous system raises heart rate and blood pressure while the parasympathetic nervous system slows the heart rate and increases intestinal and gland activity. Doctors often called the sympathetic nervous system “the fight or flight” and the parasympathetic the “rest and digest.” Grounding can help shift the body from this stressful fight or flight state to the rest and digest, which is a more relaxed and calm state. This is why grounding is so helpful for people with anxiety and depression. Just one hour of grounding can significantly affect mood.

“Earthing is a revolutionary breakthrough in the cause of health. It can change your life. Earthing can break the vicious cycle of stress and disease.”
Dr. Gallager, MD (Dr. Gallagher’s Guide to 21st Century Medicine)

How to practice grounding:

Walk outside barefoot on grass, sand, dirt and even mud.
Lie on the ground.
Submerse yourself in water. Water works the same way as the ground. Wade or swim in a clear lake or the ocean.
Use grounding equipment: mats, sheets, blanket and pillowcases. There are even grounding socks.

I bought a grounding pillowcase and I have used it for the last three nights. I got it for its many health benefits, but I was most excited to see if it helped me to sleep better. Overall, I really wasn’t a fan of the pillowcase and I didn’t see any improvement in my sleep. I prefer to practice the more natural type of grounding like walking outside barefoot or swimming in the ocean. It seems like the benefits of grounding increase over time, so I am looking forward to enjoying the benefits as I time goes on.

I hope you will give the practice of grounding a try, either by walking barefoot on your grass in your backyard or by trying a pair of grounding socks. I think that that it is something that can really have amazing health benefits if it is done on a regular basis. Please leave a comment and tell me about your grounding experience!

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