Audra McDonie, Author at An Introvert's View

5 social survival tactics for introverts

Audra McDonie / Introvert's View / Leave a Comment

Today I’m going to share some of my social survival tactics for introverts. If you’re an introvert I know you’ll relate to how far I will go to not be social. I’m sure you have done similar things yourself. I hope this post helps you to find some new ways to survive the social pressures of being an introvert!

The See from a distance and dodge

I am always on the lookout for people I know when I am in stores and restaurants. It is important to spot them from afar so there is no chance of a face-to-face meeting. The secret to this tactic is to see them before they see you, and then do your best to avoid them. I do this, a lot and it has been a tried and true survival tactic for me!

The freeze and take cover

When the doorbell rings at most homes the normal protocol is to go to the door and answer it. In my household, the normal protocol is to freeze and take cover and make it seem as if nobody is home. We stay frozen until the person goes away or if we’re feeling adventurous we might sneak over and see who’s there. However, under no circumstances do we answer the door if we are not expecting a visitor to our house!

The Call Screen

I hate talking on the phone. I think most introverts feel the same way. I rarely pick up my phone when it rings. I dread getting a call because I know I will eventually have to return it. I don’t know why I dislike talking on the phone so much. Maybe it’s the pressure of having to think of things to say on the spot. All I know is it is one of my least favorite things to do and screening my calls is a survival tactic that works for me because it gives me time to prepare for the conversation.

The find a pet at a party

I can’t tell you how many parties I have been to that I ended up hanging out with the host’s dog or cat more than the people at the party. I have some very fond memories of some special furry friends. Parties are overwhelming to introverts so finding a quiet spot off in a corner with a pet can be a welcome respite. I’m sure my introvert friends reading this can relate and this is another wonderful social survival tactic for us!

the Have your own ride

Bringing your car or having access to other transportation when going out with a group of people is a very important social survival tactic. There is nothing worse than being stuck somewhere when you’ve had enough peopling and your energy is drained. If you have your car, then you can politely say you are tired and head on home whenever your heart desires. This has saved me more times than I can count!

I hope that these survival tactics will be helpful to other introverts in maneuvering the social landscape of their lives. This post is all in fun and I may have exaggerated some things in the name of comedy, but they are actually things I do to handle social situations in my own life. Take care and happy introverting!

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want to be less stressed? Practice Niksen

Audra McDonie / Health & Wellness / Leave a Comment

The Dutch art of niksen is the practice of doing nothing. It entails being completely idle without trying to achieve anything. This is an outrageous idea for those of us who thrive on multi-tasking and checking things off our to-do list. How is it possible that doing nothing can be good for us?

Well, it’s true, niksen is great for our body and mind. It reduces anxiety and stress, slows down the aging process, while also strengthening our immune system.


"Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can hear, and not bothering." -Pooh's Little Instruction Book

How to practice Niksen:

Look out the window
Listen to music
Sit outside
Walk in nature
Daydream

This is a time to let your mind wander and not be focused on anything. Surprisingly, while doing nothing our brain is still working and it can use this break to solve problems we may be having. In addition, it can make us more creative!

Niksen can also help us to become more inspired about achieving our dreams and make us more apt to take actions that will help us to achieve them.

It may be challenging at first because we’re not used to not doing anything. Just looking out a window can feel uncomfortable and weird at first. If you can push through these feelings and practice niksen for a few minutes each day, eventually you’ll be able to do it for longer periods comfortably.

Niksen may seem similar to meditation, but they are actually very different. Meditation and mindfulness require you to keep your awareness on your breathing and to stay in the moment. However, while practicing niksen the mind is given leave to wander, aware of nothing in particular.

It is important to remember to let your mind go in a way that is positive, imaginative, and creative. This should not be the time when you ruminate on your problems.

This is a simple practice that you can do any time you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Our poor brain gets bombarded by so much stimuli and information every day. It is healthy to give it a break once in a while to just be and wander. I hope that you try the practice of niksen and that it is one more thing you can add to your arsenal of self-care ideas!

5 of my favorite things that I hope you’ll love too

Audra McDonie / Just For Fun / Leave a Comment

I thought the first of the year would be a great time to share some of my favorite things. I hope that you can find a thing or two here that may become a favorite of yours too!

1. alba Even and bright moisturizer

This is the best moisturizer I have ever used and I have tried a lot of different ones! It isn’t specifically for anti-aging, but it hydrates my skin better than any anti-aging moisturizer I have ever used. It also has an anti-oxidant-rich Swiss Alpine complex, is hypoallergenic and dermatologist recommended. As well as having no parabens, 100% vegetarian ingredients, and being cruelty-free certified.

I use a small amount under my make-up in the morning and then after cleansing at night I apply a lot to my face and neck. It feels a little heavy at first, but this goes away once it absorbs into your skin. I also love that it doesn’t clog your pores. The best part? It costs less than $10! I can’t say enough about this product – I love it!

2. zum Mist Lavender Room and Body Mist

I adore this room and body mist. I have been using it for years. I spritz it around the house for a fresh relaxing smell. I also recently started using it at night. I spray myself right before I go to bed and I have been sleeping like a baby. It has an incredible natural lavender smell. I also like that it is plant-based, cruelty-free, and has no added chemical emulsifiers. It is a much better choice than the fragrance sprays that are full of chemicals and who knows what else!

3. fresh flowers

I started getting bouquets of fresh flowers for my home about six months ago. Looking at the flowers in the middle of my kitchen table every day gives me a lot of joy and is definitely one of my favorite things. I get the flowers at my grocery store, they cost between $10-$20, and last around two weeks!

4. Favorite Songs

I am listening to these songs all the time! I love them and I had to include them in my list of favorite things!

5. soothing Touch Lip Balm

This is an amazing lip balm. It is 85% organic and it is also vegan. As well as being 100% natural and gluten-free. It tastes amazing and it moisturizes your lips like no other lip balm I have used. This will forever and always be my favorite lip balm!

I love all of these things and they truly are some of my favorites. I hope that you find something here that will become a new favorite of yours!

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Find Your True Purpose Now

Audra McDonie / Self-Help / 3 Comments

What would the world look like if everyone was living their true purpose? I believe it would be a much better place than the world we are living in now. I think many of the problems our world has today are because people are lost. They are floundering and not connected to their purpose or passion.

We all have a purpose for being here. However, most people follow the social norms, which are getting good grades, getting into college, getting a good job, buying a house, and starting a family. Most parents encourage a path of safety, instead of encouraging their children to go after their dreams and passions. It makes me sad that parents do this to their children.

Dreams and passions are what make life worth living. It’s what gets us out of bed in the morning and if you are lucky enough to have a dream then those who love you should encourage and nurture it, instead of trying to talk you out of it. Many children are so afraid of disappointing their parents that they don’t think pursuing their dreams is even an option.

I have always nurtured and encouraged my children’s dreams. My son is a musician/writer and my daughter is an actress. Believe me, it has not been easy for them. Most people are not supportive of people who pursue the arts and things outside the social norms. I am very proud of them for standing against this mindset and for having the courage to go after their dreams.

What if you throw out what society deems acceptable and what your family thinks? And instead follow your internal compass without any need for outside validation. This is the headspace you need to adopt to find your true purpose in this world. This blog is full of information to help you find out who you are meant to be. You deserve to be excited about your life and to feel like you are fulfilling your destiny!

“There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It’s why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.”

Oprah Winfrey

true Purpose questions:

When do you feel most alive?

What are you good at?

What are your hobbies?

What does success mean to you?

When do you feel happy?

What are the things that you value in life?

What are your true needs?

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

What did you like doing as a child? Your eight-year-old self didn’t care about money or social standing. You just played and had fun. When you are pursuing your dreams and passions it feels like you are playing. It is enjoyable, fun, and makes you feel good.

What makes you lose track of time?

What can you offer the world that will make a difference?

When have you felt most fulfilled?

What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

What would you do if you didn’t have to worry about earning a living?

What makes you angry? If you’re angry it means your passionate. Maybe you could use this anger to fight for something you believe in?

Roadblocks to true purpose:

Limiting Beliefs

We all have that voice in our head that is not always encouraging. It is fueled by our fear of failure and low self-esteem. This is often what holds us back from pursuing our true calling. If you can quiet it and believe that there are no limits to what you can do, then you will have an easier time finding your purpose. Check out my Self-Esteem blog for some help with your limiting beliefs.

Staying in Your comfort zone

We’ve all heard that to grow we need to get out of our comfort zone. This is also required to find our true purpose. To pursue our destiny we may have to leave the place where we feel safe and at ease for a while. This place keeps us from getting hurt, but it also keeps us in jobs we hate, in unhealthy relationships, and also from finding our purpose.

"Something about the social pressures of adolescence and professional pressures of young adulthood squeezes the passion out of us. We're taught that the only reason to do something is if we're somehow rewarded for it. And the transactional nature of the world inevitably stifles us and makes us feel lost or stuck."
-Mark Manson

Helpful Exercises:

Jack Canfield’s Joy Review

Jack Canfield, Co-Author of Chicken Soup for the Soul and motivational speaker has a great exercise that is helpful when searching for your purpose. You sit down for 30 minutes and write down all the times you’ve felt the greatest joy in life. It is an amazing tool for honing in on what your passions are and what makes you happy.

Conduct a Passion Test

This test was developed by Chris and Janet Attwood, co-authors of the book The Passion Test, The Effortless Path to Discovering Your Life Purpose.

Step 1: Brainstorm Your List – By completing the sentences below with a different activity.

When I was a kid I dreamed of ________.
I can’t pass up a book or movie about ________.
If I played hooky from work for a week, I’d spend the time ________.
Most people don’t know this about me, but I really enjoy ________.
I am the go to person when my friends need help with ________.
If I could star in my own How-to TV show, it would be about ________.
If I were to make a homemade gift, it would involve ________.
I’ve tried it only once or twice, but I really enjoyed it ________.
The closest I come to a runner’s high is when ________.
If I won first prize in a talent show, it would be for ________.

Now that you have your list, it’s time to whittle it down.

Ask yourself if you had to choose between the first and second activities which one seems more appealing to you? Picture yourself doing both and then pick the one that makes you feel the happiest. Then take that activity and compare it to the third activity and do the same thing. Work your way down the list until you are left with the activity that gives you the most joy – that is your number one passion. Now go through the list four more times until you have your top five passions.

Hopefully, the questions and exercises above will help you to successfully find your life’s purpose. Once you know what it is you will be able to begin the wonderful journey of fulfilling your destiny!

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how to keep your new year’s resolutions

Audra McDonie / Just For Fun / Leave a Comment

I have never had much luck keeping my new year’s resolutions. By the time February rolls around they have become a distant memory. I have decided that this year is going to be different and I am on a mission to successfully achieve every resolution I make for 2023! So let’s get to it!

A resolution is defined as a firm decision to do or not do something. So keeping this in mind, it’s seems the best way to make a resolution list is to think about things you can add to your life that will make it better. Conversely, think about the things you do that are harmful to you and decide which ones you are going to give up this year.

hints for making resolutions

Try to keep your number of resolutions to no more than four. Make two resolutions that add something positive to make your life better and then make two resolutions that require you to stop doing something that is affecting your life negatively.

Ex. of adding a positive: Walking every night for 20 minutes and reading 30 minutes per day. Ex. of stopping something negative: Stop eating junk food during the week and limiting your screen time per day.

Write down clear action steps of how you intend to achieve the goals that you set for the year. Don’t just say I want to lose weight. How much weight do you want to lose? What steps are you going to do to get you there? The more detailed you can be with your plan, the better chance you have of achieving your goal.

Remove temptations that will throw you off your game. If you want to lose weight, get rid of all the junk food in your house. If you want to spend less money, don’t take your credit cards to the store with you. Instead, just bring the amount of cash you have budgeted for what you want to buy.

Learn to be comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. You’re going to feel bad and uncomfortable for a while when you give up a bad habit. Realize this before you start and when you start to feel bad know that this is normal and embrace it.

If discipline was easy everyone in the world would have killer abs! Train your brain to know that pain is not the enemy. It is the secret to boosting self-control. Ever hear the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?”

Remember why you started. When temptation hits and you feel like you want to give up remember why you made the resolution in the first place. Visualize yourself already achieving your goal or write down all the wonderful things you will gain when you achieve your goal. Check out my visualization blog.

Don’t give up if you have a slip or a few setbacks. This is normal when trying to achieve goals. Strive for progress rather than perfection.

Common New Year’s Resolutions

Exercise more
Lose weight
Get organized
Learn a new skill or hobby
Save money and or spend less money
Read more
Travel more
Quit smoking
Spend more time with family and friends

Hopefully, the above list gives you some inspiration for your resolution list for 2022. It is always a good time to try and better yourself. If you find that you didn’t get the chance to get your list done by January 1st or if February or March roll around and you haven’t kept every resolution, keep going.

January 1st doesn’t have to be the only time you set goals and resolutions for yourself. You can wake up any morning of the year and make a list. That being said, the beginning of the year is also a marvelous time for a fresh start and a great time to begin a journey of self-improvement!

3 Holiday movies that will make you laugh

Audra McDonie / Entertainment / Leave a Comment

The Family Stone

The Family Stone is a 2005 holiday dramedy. It has an all-star cast which includes: Dermot Mulroney, Sarah Jessica Parker, Claire Danes, Diane Keaton, Craig T. Nelson, Rachel McAdams, and Luke Wilson. (You can watch it on Amazon.)

Everett (Dermot Mulroney) brings his girlfriend home to meet his family for Christmas. His girlfriend Meredith (Sarah Jessica Parker), is wound a little tight while his family members are all free spirits. This dichotomy allows for an array of comedic moments. Diane Keaton is wonderful as Everett’s disapproving mother and Rachel McAdams who plays Amy, Everett’s sister is amazing. The open hostility she unleashes on Meredith is extremely funny without being cruel and is one of the best parts of the movie. It’s reminiscent of her portrayal of Regina in Mean Girls.

This movie is special because of the feelings it evokes. The tone is realistic and nostalgic and makes you feel like you’re at your own home for the holidays. It’s hilarious, but it also has a depth to it that is seldom found in comedies these days. I watch this film every year and enjoy it just as much as the first time I watched it.

Elf

Elf is a 2003 holiday comedy and my absolute favorite Christmas movie! Will Ferrell and James Caan head up the cast, which also includes Mary Steenburgen, Zooey Deschanel, Bob Newhart, and Ed Asner. (You can watch it on Hulu or HBO Max.)

Will Ferrell portrays Buddy the elf. As a baby, he’s in an orphanage and he unknowingly crawls into Santa’s toy bag one Christmas. Hence, Santa (Ed Asner) takes him back to the North Pole where he is raised by Papa Elf (Bob Newhart). He grows up believing that he is an elf. Then one day, he finds an old photo and this sets him off on a quest to New York City to find his father (James Caan).

The laughs begin as we watch a grown man, who thinks he’s an elf, show up in New York City looking for a father who doesn’t know he exists. Will Ferrell brings a naivete to the character of Buddy that is sweet and endearing. You can’t help but fall in love with him. Elf is a feel-good and hopeful movie that everyone should see at least once. Or you can be like me and decide to watch it every year!

The Family Man

The Family Man is a 2000 romantic comedy. Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni star in this holiday classic. (You can watch it on-demand on AMC.)

Jack Campbell (Nicholas Cage) is a rich financier and playboy. He seems to have it all and is happy with the life he has made for himself. On Christmas Eve, he inserts himself in a crime that is in progress and brings Cash (Don Cheadle) into his life. Unfortunately, Cash doesn’t like Jack and tells him that he is going to give him a glimpse. Jack has no idea what he’s talking about and continues on his merry way.

On Christmas morning, Jack’s penthouse and Lamborghini have been replaced with a house in the suburbs and a mini-van. He also miraculously has two kids and his lost love Kate (Tea Leoni) is now his wife. This information initially freaks Jack out because his other life no longer exists, but then he comes to terms with what has happened and even embraces it.

It has parallels to the Christmas classic It’s A Wonderful Life, where George Bailey gets a glimpse at life without himself in it. Jack in a similar way gets a glimpse of the life he would have had if love led him instead of ambition. I don’t want to spoil it, so I’ll say no more. This is also one of my favorite Christmas-time movies and one that I think you will enjoy immensely.

I hope that these movies make you laugh and that your holiday season is filled with lots of love and joy!

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